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QUARK |
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Series Overview
Adam Quark - Richard Benjamin Gene/Jean - Tim Thomerson Betty - Cyb Barnstable Betty - Tricia Barnstable Ficus - Richard Kelton Otto Palindrome - Conrad Janus Andy the Robot - Bobby Porter The Head - Alan Caillou 
OTHER SCI FI COMEDIES Red Dwarf Clone Supernova No Heroics Hyperdrive 
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Series OverviewIt's a dangerous universe for space captains, but Adam Quark has it easier than most due to his job being the collecting of trash from spacestations and other ships. This doesn't stop him and his crew of misfits getting into serious trouble, though. It is the consideration of the SCI FI FREAK SITE that science fiction comedy is the most dangerous thing in the world and this show goes along way to proving our point. Only lasting eight episodes, it is eight episodes too many. The idea of spoofing science fiction is a given and there are only a handful that get it right, but this is a spectacularly awful show. It's anchored by Richard Benjamin, who is easily the best thing about it, but who wears a constantly bemused expression as if wondering how the hell he wandered into this mess. His companions are a first officer who flips from crass macho sterotype to crass female stereotype in the middle of a sentence, a science officer who is really a plant, a rubbish robot and a pair of twins whose only trick appears to be speaking in unison. The scripts are not funny, the acting is not funny and the special effects are beyond awful, certainly too bad to be funny. QUARK is an aberration of nature and should be forgotten as soon as your scarred mind will allow. Top QuarkAdam Quark is the captain of a spacegoing trash collector. His crew consists of a woman and her clone (though he can't tell which is which), a mad scientist who is creating a robot that wants to marry part of the ship, a person who has all the male and female chromosomes and a gooey pet. When an explosion sends a cloud of enzymes on their way to eat up the whole of civilisation, Quark's ship is the only thing between it and us. Science fiction comedy is extremely hard to do and almost impossible to do well. QUARK is a perfect example of this if this pilot episode is anything to go by. It's aimed at the most broad level of humour with the subtleometer set to zero. The man/woman is borderline offensive to gay people whilst the clones are offensive to women being only dumb blondes and the mad old scientist is offensive to old people. The script is offensive to anyone who likes comedy. There are a couple of good lines in there, but they probably got in by accident when nobody was looking. Almost as inept are the special effects. It would nice to think that the shonky effects are part of the joke, but they are just cringe-inducingly bad rather than funny. The only plus in the whole sorry affair is Richard Benjamin who does his best to pull of the terminally confused captain with charm, but it's hard to tell if he's good as a confused captain or whether he's wondering how the hell he ended up in this thing. Written by Buck HenryDirected by Peter Hunt Top May The Source Be With YouThe Gorgons, implacable enemies of Perma 1, have a doomsday device that they plan to use to destroy the space station that is now the home of humanity. Quark detailed by the head to intercept the doomsday ship and destroy it, armed only with the tiny weaponry of his garbage ship and the Source, a supposedly all-powerful force that hasn't been used for over 200 years and which is having a bit of crisis of confidence as a result. This hour long episode has made some changes, well once change, from the Pilot, swapping the old man mad scientist to an annoyingly unemotional plant-derived humanoid. He's meant to be amusingly annoying, but just comes off as annoying. That he's a riff on STAR TREK's Mr Spock is obvious and far from subtle. But then obvious and far from funny are watch words for the whole show. If there are any funny lines in the whole of this episode then we must have been too busy busy picking up our dropped jaws to notice. This isn't just bad, it is staggeringly bad and how it got past the original pilot is probably the greatest mystery. Written by Steve ZachariasDirected by Hy Averback Top The Old and the BeautifulQuark is given a mission to romance a beautiful alien princess to secure an alliance. On the way, he encounters a virus that causes him to age rapidly making it very unlikely that he will be able to get to his romantic interlude let alone survive it. It sounds like a great set up for a comedy episode, but it falls as flat as the proverbial pancake. The dialogue is poor at best and there aren't any jokes that are funny or original and certainly not both. The effects are so poor that the Gorgon ships being destroyed look just like the one that Quark is flying and their destruction is the same piece of video reversed. On top of that, the cast play it like pantomime and ensuring that any hint of subtlety or cleverness that sneaked in under the wire is completely eradicated. Written by Bruce KaneDirected by Hy Averback Top The Good, the Bad and the FicusQuark's ship goes through a black hole, but drags out its anti-ship, a ship crewed by evil counterparts who set about destroying ships of the fleet and become enemy number one. The old, old concept of good and evil sides being split apart is rife with comedy potential, but this episode fails to mine any of that. Evil Quark is about as scary as a limp lettuce leaf and the most evil thing in the whole show is the script. Written by Stuart GillardDirected by Hy Averback Top Goodbye PolumbusQuark is sent to find out what happened to all the captains that investigated the planet Polumbus. What he finds there is that something is bringing people's dreams to life. He wants to free the trapped officers, but how can he destroy happiness? Along with cheap, stupid and unfunny, you can officially add badly edited to the list of things that make this show so very, very bad. Stealing the idea behind 's Shore Leave, it takes the charm and wit out of it and then dumps the steaming pile that is left onto the screen. This could be the worst science fiction show of all time. Written by Bruce KaneDirected by Hy Averback Top All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms - Part 1The Gorgons capture Quark's crew. Whilst he is being interrogated, Ficus must face the overtures of Princess Libido. Andy and Gene (or Jean) escape and pretend to be Gorgon scientists. No review is currently available for this episode. If you want to add one, please click here to e-mail it to us. Written by Jonathan KauferDirected by Bruce Bilson Top All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms - Part 2Quark and the Bettys are sentenced to death whilst Ficus must offer to marry Princess Libido or die. No review is currently available for this episode. If you want to add one, please click here to e-mail it to us. Written by Jonathan KauferDirected by Bruce Bilson Top Vanessa 38-24-36Quark gets a new computer, but she decides that she is so superior that she can run the ship without the rest of the crew. No review is currently available for this episode. If you want to add one, please click here to e-mail it to us. Written by Robert A. KeatsDirected by Hy Averback Top |
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